


Wasted days

by bronzeblues



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beautiful Golden Fools, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24163507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bronzeblues/pseuds/bronzeblues
Summary: Joanna lives AU. Her thoughts on her eldest children and family.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	Wasted days

**Author's Note:**

> I was actually meaning to post something along these lines yesterday but I accidentaly deleted my work. So here it is... Same idea but slightly different.

Looking back on it Joanna knew she must have failed somewhere. Failed the moment she didn't put half a continent between them instead just opting for putting Jaime in a chamber further away from Cersei's. After all, they were _only_ children. Surely they would grow out of it. 

How very wrong she had been. She knew that now while she was watching Cersei rock little Joffrey to sleep. A babe who looked nothing like his supposed father. Not that there weren't other things. The way Jaime looked at Robert every time he just as much as stood near her. Like he would have no problem slaying yet another king.  
Perhaps he really wouldn't. If it was for Cersei, everything was easy to Jaime. She knew that for years. Ever since she caught them one early morning in Cersei's chambers. Cersei asleep in Jaime's arms, legs entwined. Jaime holding her and breathing her in the way a man stuck in the desert would drink water. 

And she did nothing then. Nothing at all. She stood there shocked until she managed to move her legs towards her own chambers. In the following days she did nothing either. The worst thing was she didn't even feel angry at them. Some sort of resignation was prevailing over her. Like she always knew in a way. She supposed she did. Because that feeling she felt when she first caught them when they were just seven never fully went away. She told herself she might have even overreacted back then. They were children after all, they didn't know what they were doing. 

She didn't confront either of them about it until the day of Cersei's wedding to Robert. She couldn't bring herself to even talk about it. But when she saw Jaime getting incredibly drunk at the feast she couldn't keep quiet any longer. She quietly made her way towards him and urged him to leave the hall with her. To her surprise he put up no fuss. 

When he drunkenly entered his chambers he immediately went for another glass of wine. She remember thinking this is the first time she saw him drunk. Jaime was never a man of drink before. He raised a toast to the wedded couple. 

_To my sister the Queen_ , he said bitterly.  
_May they be awfully happy together_ , he continued.  
Joanna said nothing and instead just watched him drain his cup in one gulp.  
A few moments passed before she decided to speak. 

"I see you are intent on putting up a show tonight. Are you in such good spirits?", she asked.  
He wasn't of course. Far from it. Miserable more likely.  
He laughed bitterly at that and continued:"Yes, _very_ good Mother. I am sure Robert will make an excellent husband to my dear sister."

Every word was dripping with sarcasm. Joanna had her reservations about Robert as well. The man went to war for a woman while jumping on anything that moved and had tits. But she knew just as well there was only one man worth of Cersei in his mind and that was he himself.  
Even after years of knowing it still made her feel uneasy.  
"I do hope you won't be having such comments in front of the King himself. After all, he has only just pardoned you and let you stay in his Kingsguard." 

Tywin was fuming when he heard. He hoped he would get Jaime back as his heir after all that's happened. Cersei as Queen and Jaime as the future Lord of Casterly Rock. A triumph. He only got half of it in the end. 

" Yes, His Grace was very generous. ", Jaime said drunkenly. His eyes were unfocused. 

"I should hope you are aware of it. Otherwise you would have been on your way to Casterly Rock in a fortnight. Gods know it'd be for the best." 

Jaime snorted. Did he find it funny? 

"Yes, for the best.", he continued laughing like she said something awfully witty.  
"It would be for the best for me to spend days trying to be everything Father wants in his heir. Away from tourneys, away from…", he stopped at that. His eyes somewhat widened but he managed to appear nonchalant the next moment. He reached for the wine again. 

_Say it_ , she wanted to say.  
_One of us has to. And I would rather if it weren't me._

" Do continue, Jaime. Away from what?", she wanted him to look her in the eyes and say it. She was quiet about it for far too long. 

But he wasn't saying anything. He stood there drinking wine and pretending he didn't hear her. 

She couldn't say it either.  
" One day this could ruin us all. I was a fool when I did nothing."  
Not an easy thing to admit, especially not to someone named Lannister. 

He looked at her and said nothing. A few moments passed and Joanna decided to return to the feast. Just when she was close to the door she heard him:" I love her. "  
She turned around abruptly to look at him.  
His look was one of desperation coupled with a glow only a man awfully in love could possess. 

"I cannot help it.", he continued.  
She knew that for a time now.  
"Things make little sense without her."  
Yes,she thought as much. That didn't stop her from feeling despair. Love that could ruin everything did anyone little good in the end.  
"Go to bed Jaime", she said and excited his chambers. 

And that was that. They never properly talked about that night since. Tywin continued to think he would one day get his wanted heir back and she continued to hope with him. But a part of her always knew they'd never get their wish. A Kingsguard vow was for life. And it was an excellent excuse to stay near Cersei always. 

While watching Cersei putting the heir to the Iron Throne to sleep Joanna wondered about one's definition of wasting days. To Tywin that was pretty much anything that somehow didn't advance Lannister legacy. To Tyrion, her smart little youngest, it was being limited in one's thinking. To Jaime, life without Cersei would be a waste. She wondered then just how many days did she waste ignoring her children's feelings, hoping if she closed her eyes for long enough it would go away. Hoping they wouldn't have to pay the ultimate price for it one day or another. 


End file.
